Sometimes I long for love, but I am afraid of finding love, I hate loneliness, but I am afraid of connecting with others. At its core, people with low self-esteem tend to be lonely. This is probably why you will never contact me if I don’t take the initiative to find you! Because taking the initiative seems to make people lose money, so many times we will fall into the pattern of if you don't take the initiative to come to me, even if I want to talk to you, I won't take the initiative to come to you.
Why would you never contact me if I didn’t take the initiative to find you?
“How to gain a high position in this relationship” is a question that has been frequently encountered in consultations in the past. It's both a common and ridiculous question, because I've never felt that there's a "high and a low" distinction in a healthy relationship. The distinction between high status and low status often exists in power relationships, such as superiors and subordinates, Party A and Party B. In power relationships, there are those who obey and those who are obeyed, and those who take and those who contribute.
When a person says "If you don't take the initiative to find me, I don't want to take the initiative to find you", it means that he firmly believes that love belongs to In the power relationship, once you fall into a low position, you will never recover. Therefore, even if I care about you, I still have to fight with high morale. If you are not proactive enough, it means you don't like it enough, then I would rather miss it.
If two people are in this state, the intimate relationship will become an endless loop. Both parties will carefully consider and test each other. Both are eager for intimacy but dare not take the initiative to take a step. They are both waiting for the other party's WeChat to show up. rise.
Our understanding of intimate relationships comes from our original families. Children who are bathed in a loving environment are more likely to understand love as a cooperative relationship, because at the bottom of their hearts they believe that they are worthy. To be loved is to believe that the other person can meet your requirements when you make them. They can ask for love and express love naturally and frankly, without worrying too much about gains and losses. "But what if I look for her and she doesn't reply to me?"
People who suffer from uneasiness about love, For example, if the native family has stories such as patriarchal preference for sons, discord between parents, repressive education, left-behind children, etc., it is easier to feel the hurt of love at close range and form all kinds of uneasiness about love.
For example, a child whose parents have been in conflict all year round will subconsciously think that "marriage is dangerous. I must be independent in the future and cannot rely on my partner."
Children who suppress education will subconsciously think that "love is conditional, and I must perform well enough in order to get attention";
< p> But there is a natural desire for intimate connections in the heart, so it will gradually become tense, both eager and fearful, both looking forward to the connection but afraid of actively expressing demands, and it is in a state of internal friction.When a person firmly believes that "if you don't take the initiative to find me, I won't want to take the initiative to find you", his or her internal logic is: I love you, but I don't want to show that II need you more than you need me. The game of love and the fear of failure exceed the expectations of love. They will think that "I need them" is equivalent to "I surrender to them", and "they take the initiative to find me" is equivalent to "they are controlled by me". They get the pleasure of victory in the power game, but cannot get rid of the uneasiness of intimate relationships.
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