Emotions cannot withstand temptation. People will only try to test when they are uncertain, so testing is a sign of lack of security and distrust.
People who like to test tend to have low self-esteem and lack a sense of security.
We often make a mistake in love, thinking that the sense of security in an intimate relationship is provided by the other party.
Bind your emotions to the other person’s attitude, often worry about gains and losses, and worry about doing something wrong with yourself and causing resentment to the other person.
The other party was a few minutes late in replying because she was wondering if her feelings for him had faded. Begin to be suspicious, checking over and over again, "Do you love me? Do you really love me? How much do you love me?"
Because there is no sense of security, I will test the other person over and over again.
In the early stages of their relationship, two people regarded each other as each other's white moonlight, and they saw all the advantages of the other. But as time went by, they became unwilling to tolerate each other.
The moon halo phenomenon mentioned in "Intimacy" means that when you first meet someone, you will take the initiative to add a layer of filters to the other person, and all you see are the other person's advantages. .
During the moon halo period, you will tolerate each other's shortcomings, even willfulness and machismo are cute in each other's eyes.
But when the filter disappears, there will be more and more conflicts between you. Men want freedom and women want companionship, so they become suspicious, quarrel and accuse.
"Can you be sensible and stop making trouble?" "You just don't love me anymore, let's break up."
You are quick to say things that hurt each other. , maybe you said "break up" just to let the other party keep you, but you didn't expect that they actually broke up.
Love is like a delicate rose, beautiful but fragile and needs careful care.
Keigo Higashino once said: There are two things in the world that cannot be looked directly at, one is the sun, and the other is the human heart.
Human nature cannot stand the test, and feelings cannot stand the perfunctory approach either. The consequences of testing others easily are sometimes simply unbearable.
In fact, those long-term relationships know how to manage them.
1) Be considerate of each other and pay for each other
There is a term in psychology called "emotional account". When you are nice to a person, you are depositing money in her "emotional account"; when you are not nice to him, you are withdrawing money from this "emotional account".
When a couple is no longer willing to tolerate each other and stops paying for each other, their relationship will become a constant consumption of "deposits" in their past accounts, and their emotions will be overdrawn. .
A healthy relationship involves understanding each other, working together, and putting aside preoccupations and comparisons, so that your "emotional account" will continue to increase in value.
2) Take the initiative to communicate with each other
The biggest problem between couples is that they do not take the initiative to communicate, resulting in There were more and more conflicts, and finally they could not be resolved.
Good relationships are willing to listen to each other's heart and take the initiative to communicate with each other's ideas.
No one always understands what you want to say. Instead of guessing, it is better to take the initiative to communicate with the other person.
Falling in love with someone gives others the right to hurt them, but we forget that she also has the right to turn around and leave.
I hope that when you look back on your relationship, you will not feel guilty for not cherishing the other person, but "I really loved you with all your heart, and I have no regrets."
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