The love of the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl only exists in myths. If a couple who are separated from each other have no contact for a long time and only see each other on the seventh day of the seventh lunar month every year, they will probably break up.
American marriage expert Wenger Juli once said: "Even the happiest marriage will have 200 thoughts of divorce and 50 thoughts of strangling each other to death in a lifetime." Friction in marriage, always It's disappointing, but what's even more desperate is that there is friction between the two, but there is no way to eliminate it due to the distance.
Some people say that long-distance relationships are like having a mobile phone pet. The despair and helplessness in the relationship will often accompany you.
However, there are also many couples who have been apart for 5 or 10 years, but they have overcome the difficulty of distance and finally lived happily together.
What determines the quality of long-distance relationships?
Possible crises in long-distance relationships
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1. Loneliness
The distance means that you cannot see each other all the time. You hope he is in class when you chat, but you send a WeChat message and don’t reply for a long time, only to realize that he has fallen asleep.
When you miss someone, you can’t kiss them, hug them, hold them high, and when you quarrel, you don’t throw them down and talk face to face.
You want a hug, but what you are facing are cold text messages on your mobile phone.
With such an unreachable lover, even those who like to be alone will feel lonely.
2. Distant water cannot save a nearby fire
When you are in trouble and need help, you find that he is not around.
When it rains, no one gives you an umbrella, and when you get sick, no one takes care of you. You can only turn to the people around you.
At this time, you can only feel helpless about the current situation in a different place.
3. Limitations of communication methods
Text messages, WeChat, and phone calls cannot see facial expressions, and it is easy to cause misunderstandings. Maybe you are not angry, but he takes it seriously; maybe you cry, but he can't see it.
I checked my phone 10 times, but she still didn’t reply. At this time, you may start to have random thoughts: Where is he, what is he doing, and who is he with?
Some partners also don’t like the video method. They think that the video can easily create a sense of alienation in people, and they will feel that they used to be together. The real person beside you is now only through the lens and out of reach.
4. No common topics
Two people have lived in different places for a long time and gradually formed their own life circles. The intersection in life has become less, which may lead to fewer and fewer common topics. Therefore, you may not be able to understand the other party very well.
Gradually, all the two could say between them was the empty "I miss you."
WhyLong-distance lovers are not favored
1. The test of long-distance allows you to see the real person
Some long-distance lovers break up, they will explain that it is because they can see clearly after long-distance " "The other person's true face" and felt that the two people were not suitable for each other.
You may think that the long distance caused the breakup. However, perhaps what caused the two to break up was not the "distance", but the "incompatibility" in the first place. It's just that this "inappropriateness" is amplified in other places.
Even if you are not in a different place, when facing other difficulties and tests, you may find that it is not suitable for you.
2. Failure to communicate and eliminate the misunderstanding in time
A bigger problem that may be encountered in a different place is that the limitations of communication cause the two people to be less able to communicate after the misunderstanding occurs. Easy to eliminate.
The limitations of being in a different place make the two people more likely to adopt an evasive approach when facing conflicts. This avoidance is made easier because of limitations in communication methods.
However, avoidance cannot solve the problem and improve the relationship. Over time, it will make each other feel disappointed in each other.
3. Distance causes the feeling of liking to fade
Distance is an important factor in the law of attraction. We are more likely to have a good impression of people who are close to us, because we may have more communication with such people and become more familiar with them. This familiarity will generate interpersonal attraction.
This determines why when we were in school, we were more likely to like "your deskmate."
As the distance becomes longer and there is no good communication, when the person becomes more and more unfamiliar to you, the attraction may gradually weaken.
4. Practical reasons? You actually don’t like her that much
We see couples who have been separated for many years but still persist, and we always have hope that the two of them can finally get together in the future. Beautiful vision.
When long-distance lovers find that they cannot get together in the end, they may give up on the relationship. For example, we often see student couples who are in a long-distance relationship and eventually break up after graduation because they work in two separate places.
But not all long-distance lovers are like this. Some people are also willing to work in the city where the other person is located for the sake of the other person. Because in his opinion, this partner is more important to him.
And if you break up on the grounds that you will not work in the same city in the future, to put it bluntly, you actually don’t care about the other person that much. The balance in your heart has already tilted.
How to maintain a relationship
Not only for long-distance relationships, but also for couples who are not in long-distance relationships, if they want to maintain a relationship For a good relationship, the following principles also apply.
1. Maintain effective communication
First of all, inWhen friction or conflict occurs, do not handle it in an avoidant manner.
Some people may think that if they don’t talk about the conflict, the conflict will disappear on its own and the relationship between the two people will not be harmed.
But conflicts will not disappear on their own as time goes by. The conflicts may be suppressed, buried in each other's hearts, and suddenly break out one day, causing greater harm to each other.
You will find that resolving conflicts head-on will not harm the relationship, but will help maintain the relationship.
Communicate with the other party in a way that the other party can accept to achieve a purpose that both of you agree on.
For example, if you know that the other person wants you to be less irritable, you can change your attitude to be gentler and communicate with him; if the other person wants you not to beat around the bush, then you can express your views directly. .
Communicate with someone in the way they expect, and the communication effect will be better.
Communication in a long-distance relationship requires you to be more patient and better considerate of the other person. While telling the other person your needs, also try to understand the other person's needs.
In terms of communication frequency, both parties in a long-distance relationship should maintain a fixed frequency of communication. You can agree on a communication frequency and time that suits both parties. This method will make each other feel more stable.
What is more recommended is that when you are in a different place, you need to arrange moderate meetings, such as once a month or every two months. In this way, you will feel that the other person is real and not just a "mobile phone pet".
This kind of real feeling of meeting can maintain the residual warmth when you don’t meet. When the residual warmth dissipates, it’s time to meet again.
2. Share each other’s lives and feelings, and let him or her become your best friend
In a long-distance relationship, happy or unhappy things should be shared with each other and encouraged. The other person shares with you the things and feelings he encounters in his life.
In these mutual sharing and support, you will find that although your circles have no physical intersection, you have never been strangers to each other's lives in different places. You still have endless topics to talk about, and you are still each other's best friends.
3. Establish a common vision
Establishing a common vision will be of great help to you in getting through this difficult time in different places.
You need to invite the other person to participate in your future planning and tell them that this is "your" future, not just your future.
Only in this way will you have a clear expectation of the relationship between the two of you, and will you and the other person be more convinced that one day the long-distance situation will end.
Distance may cause emotional frustration, but it is not the mortal enemy of love.
If you love each other, I believe that distance is not a problem.
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