Many people are too idealistic about marriage. I feel like this person has a house, a car, and good conditions. Sooner or later, he can transition directly to family affection without love. But in reality, most of these marriages are loveless, and the final outcome is nothing more than being in the same bed but separated from each other.
To be honest, there is really not much difference between liking and being suitable. In other words, most of the people you like are suitable for you. The so-called inappropriateness often comes from the selfishness of getting along with each other in the future.
Some people only want someone who loves them at first, then they want a hug, and then they want a kiss... As time goes by, they begin to want this person in every detail, and want this person If you want a successful career, you want this person to cook and wash dishes, you want to live across class boundaries, you want dignity, you want a sense of ceremony, you want a luxury car, and you want a big house.
You know that this person loves you, and he will not leave you because of your seemingly unreasonable requirements. Next, your love has also changed, and you have forgotten that you are together because you love him.
This person is not worthy of you, but he cannot satisfy your fantasies.
And I have always felt that the breakup was due to inappropriateness, which is quite nonsense.
Someone says to you: I am going to study abroad. It is not suitable for us to break up. What he really loves is not you, but his own ideal;
A person says to you: My family doesn’t agree and it’s not suitable for us to break up. What he loves is not you, but finding a high-sounding reason for breaking up;
A person says to you: I can't let go of my ex, and we are not suitable for breaking up. He never loved you. You are worthless in front of other people's exes.
If you believe it is true and feel that suitability is really more important than feelings, then you have been deceived by the other party.
What about long-distance relationship, ex, and family disapproval? These seemingly inappropriate excuses are just perfunctory diplomatic rhetoric. These people pretend to be rational.
But on the other hand, think about a person who is unwilling to be with you even through small ups and downs. You are really not suitable - in fact, this person did not like you that much in the beginning.
You may think that I take love too idealistically, but in fact, as a psychological counselor, I am more realistic and rational than anyone else.
You think love is too idealistic for me, but in fact, as an emotional counselor, I am more realistic and rational than anyone else.
Some people say that in reality, the power of love is not that strong. There are many reasons for breakup, such as parental opposition, long-distance relationship, family conditions, incompatibility, etc. These may be the reasons for two lovers to break up.
But the real emotional cases are - most of the two people who are said to like each other, these thingsThe threat had just been placed in front of the two people, and neither party had taken any action to resolve it. The threat was an insurmountable obstacle, and the two parties parted ways.
In a sense, most problems in reality can be solved, and most of them seem to be irreconcilable and inappropriate, but they are just two selfish people who are unwilling to solve them, or just want to solve them. Just give up after putting in a little effort.
I have seen two couples who have been in love for eight years, but finally broke up because of tens of thousands of dollars; I have also seen the girl's parents look down on the boy's conditions. The boy needs to be strong, but the girl is willing to wait. Three years later, they had a successful career and finally got married.
I have also seen two people working in two places in the same city, and finally they couldn't bear the distance and broke up; I have also seen two people stay in a foreign country for five years, and finally their lovers got married.
Why are some problems such a huge and insurmountable pain for partners? Why are some problems for other partners not worth mentioning?
To be honest, two people have different levels of love, so the energy that love gives to each other is also different.
Only under the premise of falling in love, two people will gradually become suitable through constant running-in and growth. On the contrary, one or both parties did not love each other that much from the beginning, so they are unwilling to compromise and pay in the future, and big events will become the reason why you are not suitable.
Therefore, I often say this to many young people:
Don’t force yourself to cultivate feelings among the right people. A relationship that you don't like from the beginning, or is even a bit boring, will only become more and more inappropriate in the future.
But among the people you like, find the most suitable one. Or, take the person you like the most and make them the most suitable person for you, and also the most suitable person for the other person, so that the other person's life will be a virtuous circle.
Only by working hard and struggling against all the inappropriateness of this relationship can you be qualified to talk about relationships; work hard for a love , only then are you qualified to talk about giving up.
Just be afraid, you haven’t done anything, you can’t breathe even if it’s a big deal, you’re saying something inappropriate, pretending to say goodbye affectionately on the surface, stop pretending, you’ve never really been there from the beginning You have liked the other person, in other words, you have never wanted to be with this person.
In fact, there are a hundred ways to turn it into a suitable favorite.
And it’s appropriate to dislike each other. Many times the two of them try their best, but they are all just playing along, and they can’t escape the fate of ending in vain.
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