A few years ago, I saw a boy posting on the Internet complaining that his girlfriend asked him to go back to his hometown in Hubei with her for a New Year reunion. Speaking of which, the reason for this incident was that the boy had previously promised the girl that he would accompany her to meet her parents during the Chinese New Year this year. However, pneumonia suddenly occurred, and the boy felt that the matter had to be cancelled.
Unexpectedly, this request was rejected by his girlfriend! Because his girlfriend wanted to stick to the tradition, his family had never had a precedent of not being reunited during the New Year. They stayed away all year round and never went back during the New Year. I feel sorry for my parents and my family elder.
What’s more, this time, we had agreed in advance that we would bring our future son-in-law to show our parents, but you suddenly refused to go even if you said you didn’t want to go? So the brother tried his best to persuade his girlfriend to calm down. In this It is best not to run around when the storm is raging. After all, there are many things that we are not afraid of ten thousand, but just what happens. What's more... we were going to Hubei! Then the girl argued hard, explaining various reasons why she had to go back, and she felt that he should also go with her. The boy gets angry and tells his girlfriend that if she doesn't want her life, just reply, I won't accompany you to seek death.
Seeing her boyfriend say this, the girl also became angry and regarded his persuasion as an irresponsible evasion. , very, very unhappy. After the two had a big quarrel, they gave him an ultimatum: either leave with me or break up with me, you choose one.
When the boy saw that this matter had become a big deal, the risk of going back to his hometown with her was just a possibility, but if he persisted, breaking up would be a matter of ten thousand yuan. What else can we do? There is no multiple-choice question, so we can only risk our lives to accompany the gentleman!
To this day, we don’t know whether this brother really accompanied his girlfriend to his hometown in Hubei, but his helplessness makes us Now it is easy to understand that his worries are not unnecessary.
Couples who quarrel like them are all too common around us. Their problem is the most common type of emotional conflict: both parties have different opinions, but they both firmly believe that their own ideas are correct. , I think that compromising is a sign of irresponsibility, and I am sorry for you and myself.
So how are these types of problems usually solved?
Most people are actually similar to them. That's when one party comes up with a trump card: your opinion or mine, you can only choose one. In the end, it all depends on who cares about whom more. The person who cares more about the other person will often choose to compromise and accommodate the other person. On the contrary, if two people always insist on themselves, the couple will basically collapse.
After a couple quarrels, many people habitually tolerate it, thinking that if they tolerate it for a while, everything will be calm, and the world will be brighter for them if they take a step back. But doing so will not eliminate conflicts and may also become a trigger for future breakups.
You know, not allEverything can be improved by taking a step back. Sometimes simply accommodating does not solve the problem itself, but only suppresses the problem temporarily. If one party compromises in every dispute, the seeds of dissatisfaction will inevitably be planted in the heart of the compromising party, which will become a hidden danger for greater conflicts in the future.
So how should couples resolve conflicts after they quarrel?
1. Don’t discuss right and wrong first< /h2>
This is the first priority. Both people insist that their own ideas are right, so judging right and wrong will only add fuel to the other party's emotions and escalate the conflict.
For example, in the above example, the girl thinks that her thoughts are the thoughts of normal people. The boy accuses her of seeking death, so the girl is instantly angered.
The correct approach is to analyze the essence of the matter first and analyze each individual’s point of view one by one. Acknowledge the reasonable aspects of the other party's point of view, which will help both parties sit down and discuss further in a calm manner.
This world is not a black and white world. Whether it is you or your partner, your views cannot be absolutely correct or absolutely wrong. It is just that people can only accept themselves in a calm state. error.
2. Use softness to overcome strength
Remember, there is an eternal rule of communication between lovers. That is to eat the soft and not the hard.
Any attempt to use force to suppress the other party and make the other party identify with oneself is unlikely to be effective between lovers. After all, I can't resolve the conflict with you, so why can't I resolve my relationship with you? If you yell at your partner, accuse him, or even get into a fight, he can choose to leave you.
In fact, when couples have differences, the most important thing is not whose opinion we should accept, but whether we can respect each other. No matter which party's opinion is accepted, the needs of both parties must be taken into consideration.
For example, if a boy agrees to go to his hometown in Hubei with his girlfriend, but he is worried about the risk of the epidemic, then the two parties can make an agreement three chapters in advance to reduce the risk probability. When the time comes, whatever things should be done and what things should not be done should be done as agreed. Do not change your mind at the last moment and force the other party to accept your new plan.
Or if the girl accepts the boy’s opinion and refuses to leave, she will stay here. Then how should she make up for the regret of not being reunited with her relatives? You can go back together again after the incident, or you can spend a reunion New Year together in the two places through video connection.
Between lovers, mutual respect is the best way to resolve differences and communicate with each other.
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