It is said that two people with similar personalities are suitable for being together, but this is not entirely true. If two people have extremely impulsive personalities, they are actually not that suitable for being together. If you don’t believe it, take a look at the following case: < br/>
Question:
My girlfriend and I were both students. Due to a series of reasons ( Bad grades + depression + rubbish school) I only went to school for a month in my junior year. I dropped out in October last year, and then I found a stall near the school to start a small business.
During the epidemic, several stores nearby were closed, so I took over a shop, operated it on the first floor, and lived on the second floor. Then I asked her to come live with me, officially starting our cohabitation life.
We are each other’s first love, and we were always very sweet before. After living together, we had more and more conflicts and often quarreled.
There was one time in August when I said that we couldn’t live with the quarrels every day and that we should break up. She said that she would commit suicide by jumping into the river. I hugged her and coaxed her for a long time. After half a month, she said she wanted to break up, but I refused. She also said she would commit suicide if we didn't break up, so I coaxed her for a long time.
In just two months, we threatened each other with suicide four times, her three times, and I followed her example once. I ran away from home twice, both times because she was angry, and she did the same once.
Originally it was just a show, no one really wanted to commit suicide, and there was no real breakup, but last week she got serious. We had another argument that day. I was so angry that I impulsively threw my phone on the floor. Then I pushed her out the door and told her to get out of here. She was eating and living for free and she was beeping so much. She slammed the door and said for the last time, I am serious too, and then ran back to school.
After the phone was repaired, I saw that she had blocked all my contact information. It took a lot of effort for me to enter the school, but When she saw me, she turned around and ran away, and even asked her roommate to stop me. I asked her roommate to send a message to meet her and give her the things. She replied that she should stop harassing me, and I didn’t want the things anymore, so just throw them away.
I regret it very much. I shouldn’t have been so impulsive and spoke so hastily. A week later, she still ignored me. I hereby come to the teacher for help. What should I do?
Answer ：
Your question, teacher, only has four words: It’s easy to get together and easy to go.
Both of you are impulsive players, and your words will hurt others. But getting to this point is not so much a mistake made impulsively as it is the result of too many conflicts that finally avalanched.
Aren’t you very unwilling? You feel that we were so sweet before, how could we just break up? Couldn’t we reconcile every time we quarreled? It must be that I didn’t work hard enough, as long as the teacher told me No matter how hard you fight, you will definitely pass this level.
Don’t have the idea that you can’t save love because you don’t work hard. Not everything can be solved by hard work, andNot all relationships are worth saving. If you choose the wrong direction, the harder you try, the worse things will become.
Excuse me, how can a couple break up over and over again and even commit suicide?
Only There are two reasons: 1. The mentality is childish and immature, and the feelings are not taken seriously. 2. The relationship is indeed good and I can’t bear to leave the other person, but this relationship is painful.
To put it bluntly, if you don’t break up, the rest will just be torture for each other.
A very important basis for judging whether a relationship is worth saving is, what is the emotional state after the recovery? Will it make you happy or continue the pain before?
If you save it, If we can ensure that two people can live happily in the future, then we should naturally try our best to restore it. What if the two parties continue to hurt each other after the restoration? Then forcibly restoring the relationship is just prolonging the pain.
In a relationship, constantly threatening the other person with suicide is simply the biggest poison. Using your own life as a bargaining chip to force the other party to compromise is not only irresponsible, but also a sign of a fragile mentality.
Even though you said you were just doing it for show, it’s hard to guarantee that it won’t get out of control if you do it too many times. After all, impulse is the biggest devil. Whenever you want to commit suicide again, the other person will be emotionally excited and verbally irritated, and the consequences will be unpredictable.
To get along with such a person who is extremely ideological and prone to going to extremes, you must be patient and careful enough, and be cautious in everything. Only by being tolerant can you avoid irritating her sensitive nerves. Obviously you are not such a person.
Leaving aside whether you can change your personality, the teacher does not encourage tolerance and unconditional tolerance in relationships. Separation is the best choice.
One of the difficulties before was that breaking up would seriously irritate her emotionally. But now that she has chosen to leave, you don’t have to irritate her anymore, so why bother her?
For your own good and her own good, let’s stop here.
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