I heard an experienced person sigh: "When I was young, I always felt unworthy when I met a girl I liked. I thought I would wait until the conditions were better, but when I finally became a man that others said was good, I found that girl There is already someone else by my side. "Is it too late to wait until I become better to pursue the other person? In fact, in this case, it was not "not being good enough" that delayed him, but "waiting to become good" that delayed him throughout his life.
1. Face the black hole in your heart
There is a saying that goes like this: “When you really fall in love with someone, your first reaction is to feel that you are not worthy of her. "If you love her too deeply, it's easy to involuntarily magnify her advantages, and then compare them with your own shortcomings without any reason. The result is often that the more you appreciate her, the more you feel inferior.
But you are very unwilling to miss her so much, so you have the horrible idea of ??"I will chase her when I become good".
What is this like?
I bought these clothes when I lost weight, but they were all taken off the shelves and I never wore them once.
I went to bed after I finished playing this game, and ended up staying up all night playing games.
I waited until I had memorized everything before taking the exam, but it turned out that I was overage and never went to the exam room.
……
You didn’t gain weight in a day, and you won’t become thin quickly. The more you play the game, the more excited you become. Just be casual and you will be the beginning of the next game. Knowledge points After memorizing this and that, the speed of memorizing questions can never keep up with the speed of answering questions.
The "waiting for that day" you said will never come. Pushing today's wishes to tomorrow's self is nothing more than trying to reduce guilt and find some peace of mind in disguise. Before this, you must have never really understood what kind of boy she likes, so you took the initiative to make yourself look a certain way, and you were secretly sure that she would like him.
In fact, you may be the one she likes right now, and she only knows you as you are now. What she cares about about you is nothing more than your upright character, your sincerity, whether you can accompany her, and whether you are willing to meet her little material needs. You haven't heard her thoughts, so you make assumptions and put heavy shackles on yourself. Maybe you just look down on yourself, and she doesn't care at all.
What she longs for is the process of getting better with you, and that "good" is nothing more than an ordinary life. Stability and contentment make her always happy, but you don't even know it.
2. The consequences of waiting until you become good and then pursuing it
I believe there are many "career-minded" buddies around you. I have been dating my girlfriend for many years, and they always say that I will wait until my career is successful. Marry again. And the outcome is nine times out of ten, breakup. If your career is successful, you will break up. If your career is not successful, you will still break up. Why? Because to women, this kind of man is very selfish.
One of the reasons for selfishness is that she feels bound by morality.The quality of strong professionalism is very valuable. If you don't support it, you will be criticized for being ignorant.
The second selfishness is that she feels left out. Working hard to pursue a career will inevitably cost the man a huge time cost. Without companionship and attention to details, she cannot feel the love from this man.
The third selfishness lies in the endless waiting. She doesn’t know how to achieve success in her career or how long she has to wait to achieve success in her career. She can’t bear the days without hope.
The fourth selfishness is that she has no sense of security. She is not sure that once a man succeeds in his career, he will dislike her and find a younger and more beautiful girl.
After all, a woman will think that a man's "wait until his career is successful" is an excuse, because he is not determined to marry her. His determination is to use her as a spare tire and consume her youth. This is the same as what you emphasized, "I will chase her when I become good."
Don’t feel wronged. I understand your sincerity, but she is not a man, and her thinking logic is different from that of a man. She can't understand your thoughts, because you keep running away, and she doesn't even understand you at all.
3. Chasing girls and becoming good at the same time
Don’t want to miss the person in front of you, but also want to have enough capital to chase the girl you like. In fact, there is no contradiction. The two can be At the same time:
1. Keep your eyes open first and see clearly that the girl you like is not a fairy. She is just an ordinary person, just as imperfect as you, but you have never seen her up close. You portray her too perfectly and have unrealistic expectations for her. Once you find out in the future that she is not as fairy as you thought, you will easily collapse.
2. Next, don’t think about anything and speak out your love bravely. There are just two outcomes, success or failure. If it works, everyone will be happy. If it doesn’t work, there will be no regrets. Just keep trying. Don't always worry about whether you are good enough or not. Wait until you become good before pursuing her. The excellence in your eyes may not be the excellence in her eyes.
3. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be excellent. You can pursue the girl you like while letting her feel your progress and see the little progress you make every day. For such a pursuing man, a man who loves her deeply, she will be more likely to be tempted by what she sees, and she can't help but want to become better with you.
Love is not cooking, you cannot wait until everything is ready before cooking. Not only outstanding talents deserve love, no matter whether they are excellent or not, everyone has the right to love and is worthy of being loved. So don't wait any longer, maybe you are already very good in her eyes. Give yourself a chance, and maybe you are also giving her a chance. You haven't made it clear, so how can you know that she doesn't always like you as much as you like her?
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