Some people cheat because they have no feelings for their partner at all, and the marriage exists in name only. This is understandable. But there are also people who obviously have a good relationship, but still choose to cheat. What is the reason?
Many people don’t fall in love with that person, but “fall in love” with the fantasy in their brain.
A person who cheats is in love with an image created in his mind, and this lover is just an abstract, fictitious character that can satisfy his every emotional desire and physical and mental need at the moment.
Song Siming in the TV series "Snail House" fell in love with the young Haizao because Haizao was like his first love. She was young and innocent and fulfilled all of Song Siming's fantasies.
What Song Siming likes is not the person Haizao, but the imaginary person in his mind.
2. Satisfy inner psychological needs
The core need of an affair is the deep psychological need of longing for recognition from others.
Because everyone likes to be worshiped and admired by others.
Those who cheat do not really fall in love with others, but they like the joy that they have not felt for a long time and the youthful self.
The image recognized by others is the object of his obsession.
When Xu Huanshan and Lin Youyou were together in "Only Thirty", they found the feeling of their youth. Lin Youyou would play football with him and look at him with admiring eyes. Praise him for being awesome. Even when Xu Huanshan turns a screw, Lin Youyou will say obsessively: I just like to look at your hands, because they can design the most beautiful fireworks.
Therefore, Xu Huanshan fell into it step by step, but what he fell in love with was not Lin Youyou himself, but the feeling of being recognized by her and the beautiful self he once was.
3. The feeling of being obsessed with excitement
When some people meet their lover, they will be attracted by this encounter. Anesthetized by the stimulation, and at the same time, this relationship can give him positive external feedback and stimulation (admiration, adoration), so the person will be firmly trapped like an addiction.
This is why many people are trapped in extramarital affairs and cannot extricate themselves.
How to maintain a stable and long-lasting intimate relationship?
If we want to have a stable and long-lasting intimate relationship, we need to make improvements in three aspects.
1. Marry the person you love deeply
Love is the glue in marriage, it will save you a lot of trouble.
Marrying someone you love deeply will make you feel less restless, your relationship will be more harmonious, and your tolerance for your partner will be higher.
If you are not married yet, it is better to find someone you love and get married instead of getting married.
2. Take the initiative to communicate with your partner
Many people cheat because they have many conflicts with their partners. But it can't be solved.
I am used to cold war after quarrels, do not take the initiative to solve problems, and are never willing to take the initiative to communicate and exchange my inner thoughts.
Sometimes, if you take the initiative to tell your partner your inner thoughts and express your inner needs to your partner, he will know how to love you better.
3. Take the initiative to avoid opportunities to be alone with the opposite sex
Colleagues are most likely to have feelings for each other. When you are alone with the opposite sex, you should take the initiative to avoid it.
When getting along with the opposite sex or contacting an old lover, you should actively avoid opportunities for alone contact and try to meet in public places.
When discussing problems, try to focus on work- and professional-related topics, and do not talk about feelings and privacy.
Extramarital affairs are like fireworks in the sky. They are brilliant at the moment they bloom, but when it ends, there is only endless loneliness and loneliness. It is like white smoke floating in the sky, which will eventually disappear.
Those who keep saying they love you are just playing tricks on you.
Only when the stage ends can you see who the real clown is.
Bian Zhilin wrote this in "Fragment of Chapter"
"You stand on the bridge and look at the scenery, and the people watching the scenery are watching you upstairs."
Cherish everything you have now. Don’t envy other people’s happiness. Maybe what you have is the happiness that others have envied for a long time.
❋ Tags: