Some lovers may appear to be very close on the surface and never quarrel, but they always feel like something is missing when they are together, making it difficult to establish a deep connection. This is actually a pseudo-intimate relationship. So besides this feeling, what other manifestations of pseudo-intimate relationship do you have?
1. pseudo-intimate relationship Manifestations
In addition to the inability of both parties to show their true emotions to each other in a pseudo-intimate relationship, another obvious manifestation is that they cannot trust each other; they lack the primary or secondary emotions of themselves and each other. cognition.
For example, if a girl behaves inexplicably in a relationship, it may seem like a trivial matter that would not make most people lose their temper, but she will feel “You don’t care about me.”
Boys will feel unreasonable and unreasonable for some reason, and thus feel that their personality is being attacked, they will not understand each other, and the quarrel will escalate and conflicts will arise.
Almost all the “inexplicable” things in life are because one party’s original emotions have not been well comforted.
But when you are really angry, who cares if she has been hurt before?
Before you get angry, ask yourself, do you really understand each other’s true needs?
Have we entered into an antagonistic relationship of mutual attack and defense, or have we truly developed an intimate relationship of mutual love?
2. How to get out of a pseudo-intimate relationship
To get out of a pseudo-intimate relationship, both parties need to be honest about their true emotional needs and tell each other that they want anything. Even if the other party cannot give it to you, you can still maintain an independent mentality and be brave enough to fight for it yourself.
What then changed was the previous communication model and thinking model.
Part of it belongs to the other party, and part of it belongs to oneself.
For example, if your first reaction was ‘no, no’ when your partner brought up an opinion, it would most likely turn into violent communication.
If you change now:
First listen to what the other person means;
Then empathize with why the other person said that;
Then On the basis of respecting the other party (tacitly assuming that he is not hostile), affirm the other party's point of view;
Then talk about your own opinions and feelings.
In fact, the other party can feel that your attitude is to accept and try to understand him. He will also try to accept and understand you, thereby bringing the relationship into a positive cycle.
When communicating, content is second, trust and love are first.
In the end, both parties create a safe environment and let each other realize that no matter what happens, you value the trust and love between you.
To put it simply, when a conflict arises, don’t insist on proving yourself and suppressing and slandering the other party. Instead, choose two people to face and solve the problem together.
To achieve this, you must first learn to control your own negative emotions and not pass them on to your partner.
When one party is in a bad mood, the best thing the other party can do is to show empathy and understanding.
For example, ‘I know it’s hard for you, and I understand you. So I will never forget what happened just now. I also hope that you can talk to me about anything, so that we can face and solve the problem together. Okay?’
When one party does something right, we need to express appreciation in a timely manner.
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