Question:
My girlfriend broke up with me because she was tired of it. I pestered her after the breakup, so I later broke off contact with her.
I lost contact for half a month and then reconnected. Sometimes she has a good attitude, sometimes she is indifferent, using the same speechless emoticon to deal with it or not replying. What should I do?
When she is enthusiastic, she always gives me the illusion that we haven't broken up yet, but then she suddenly becomes cold and perfunctory, and doesn't talk to me or reply to me for the whole day.
Do I still have hope of getting back together?!
Answer:
If the reason for breaking up is "bored", it means that the maintenance of your previous relationship was all based on passion.
You have not established a deep intimate relationship, so after the novelty wears off, the relationship loses its value to him.
A deep love relationship includes the four most basic aspects:
In the first aspect, two people are attracted to each other and desire each other.
Soon after establishing a relationship, many couples’ attraction to each other quickly disappears due to lack of spiritual communication.
I don’t even feel the desire, I just stay together in a daze, thinking that this state is a normal phenomenon after becoming familiar with it.
The truly normal situation is that two people can feel the desire to be with each other and want to share their lives and thoughts with each other.
The second aspect is that two people feel comfortable getting along together.
When getting along and living together, both parties feel very comfortable and natural, there will be a sense of companionship that satisfies each other, and there is a sense of intimacy in daily interactions.
As the relationship progresses, both parties will gradually expose more of themselves to each other in order to obtain or provide moral support. At the same time, trust will gradually be established and strengthened.
The third aspect is that there is a benign mechanism to deal with conflicts.
The two parties have developed a set of communication methods that are recognized by each other, and can actively respond to differences and contradictions, forming a benign situation in which two people stand on a united front to solve problems, rather than two people standing on opposite sides. Target each other.
The fourth aspect is that both parties can cope with the impact of external obstacles.
In a deep intimate relationship, both parties have a consistent sense of boundaries. When they meet other suitors, they will regard them as invaders who destroy their feelings, rather than alternatives.
In short, both parties in the relationship can draw nutrients from the relationship and desire to stay in the relationship.
If your girlfriend isI broke up with you because I was "bored". If you want to save this relationship, the problem you need to solve is to re-establish a valuable relationship.
And cutting off contact obviously cannot solve this problem. If you don't contact him for half a month, such a short period of time will not even make people feel fresh again, let alone longing and attachment.
The reason why she is hot and cold towards you is because she is already your ex, and she has no obligation to respond to you enthusiastically all the time.
Sometimes being warm is just to kill boring time. From the perspective of saving this relationship, his enthusiasm is of no value to you.
So, under what circumstances will the other party consider getting back together with you? That is, the benefits of getting back together with you are greater than being separated from you. The benefits are many.
What did she get after breaking up with you? She no longer has to be responsible for you, no longer has to pay for you, and no longer has to be bound by the relationship. She gets the opportunity to find a new relationship, that is to say, He has the opportunity to develop deep, intimate relationships with other people.
Unless, you can make her see more value in you, you can make her feel comfortable getting along with you, and you can make her willing to share her joys, sorrows, and sorrows with you from the bottom of her heart. Only when she relies on you and is willing to love you will she consider getting back together with you.
Therefore, the correct way to save this relationship is to spend the time and energy on managing yourself, such as entanglement, disconnection, and reconnection.
When you appear in front of him again, at least let her see your value and charm that you never had before. Only then will you be at the starting point of saving your relationship.
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